Its time to close your eyes

brokendaydream @ 2008-04-19T02:43:00

2008-04-19T06:45:25Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEST FRIEND!
I MISS YOU!

SHARON + SARAH= besties forever.

Lets review what I have gotten done. K?

2008-04-09T10:27:53Z

write three intents ( about a page/two pages each) on a news article
write and give a presentation on Dom. Scarlatti.

thats not that bad right?
its progress.
I am hoping to be done with my six page paper for epics by tomorrow.
that would be stellar.

I got dinner with the BDR kids tonight.
and let me just say, my little crush is growing. like alot, i can't help it!
ah.
oh well.

trying to decide if i want to work this SAturday night from 10-7am.
I am probably not gonna,
but it would be good money,
and it would give me a lot of time to get work done.
and not spend money.
okay so i am probably going to do it.

heres to being done with all this work by Monday!
thats my goal :)

AHHH!

2008-04-08T11:40:11Z

I have so much to do.
On top of trying to get second stage perfect for April 26th,
I have so much school stuff and I am terribly afraid that I am going to fall way behind.
Sometimes life if just too much all at once.
I'm gonna give my liver a break and not drink for a little bit,
not because anything really, but I just need a break I think,
I have toooo much to do to be going out all the time.
I wish facebook didn't exsist so I could actually focus.
haha thats retarded.
but before the end of this week I have to
write three intents ( about a page/two pages each) on a news article
write a six page paper thats worth about half my grade in epics
write a three page movie report on an epic film
read and write a six page book report on an epic novel.
write and give a presentation on Dom. Scarlatti.
and study for two tests.
and instead of getting shit done,
I am on facebook, or live journal wasting time.
OH And did i mention I am worried the london trip might fall through.
ohhh and I dont have any internships set up for this summer.. yeah. awesome.

hey kids

2008-04-06T16:44:23Z

its been a few.

I'm at work.
Are you surprised?
In between now and my next work shift, which is little over 12 hours, I am going got GR to see the AP tour, hopefully its worth the trek, we'll see.
To be honest, I kind of want to stay in more and more these days.
but I want to be invited out.
and then turn them down and be like nah, im gonna stay in.
which is something I've never ever been able to do.
whenever someone invites me to do anything and I am not absolutely booked I am like yeah!
of course!

I feel really stupid about boys that I've liked in the past.
because i dont know why.
but just because should be good enough.

thats all for now I dont really have anything to say other then have a good Sunday :)

Dont look back

2008-04-01T11:31:35Z

I want to go home right now!
I want to see Sharon Renee and Anna Elizabeth and eat at Pirros and laugh and be happy.
Can that be arranged?

I dont know when I started putting money in front of my general sanity.
This week I work Monday, Tuesday, Weds 330 am- 9am ( + 2 more hours on Weds) and I also work Thursday and Friday. I know I need to have money for London and its why I do it, but its sucky. Amanda is draining the money I make too, and thats going to stop, right now. I love her like woah, but I dont work so much so my sister can take her boyfriend out to get ice cream and buy alcohol.

Theres a new boy. He's no Vince but he's got a good heart and a nice smile. We'll see what happens, probably nothing but idk we'll see.

Less then two months till London!
I am so very excited. I have never been abroad, and I am pretty much sure I will loveeeee it :)
Plus I am going with one of my best friends, and I think its going to be amazing.

say goodbye these days are gone

2008-03-29T14:40:11Z

sometimes I think things in my life are just to fucked.
that i am to fucked.
it would take god less energy to kill me and have me be reborn
then to fix all these scars.

i like that i dont post anything in months and then three in one day

2008-03-27T12:14:45Z

I feel so fucking accomplished.
I just finished my marketing homework ( a week a head of time!)
I cleaned my room,
finished my Ramayana paper (20 hours early, which is good for me!)
did three loads of laundry
worked two extra hours at work ( which puts me at four for the day)
took care of all the work orders for the week at work.
am half way done with my Macro homework.
and totally starting my Music work.

I totally love the way it feels to get stuff done.
Its not even 9am yet, but I feel pretty good about me for the day.

Goal. Get my binder, my music, my macro, and my PR work done before the end of the day....that would be really fucking amazing.

Ugh on other news.
I am supposed to hang out with Joel tonight.
I dont even know why I am going to.
I really wish I liked the boy,
because he's sweet and nice and cute and so very into me.
but I dont.
should I feel bad about that?
because I dont.

EDIT

Its so grey out today.
I hate the grey-ness.
I used to find some awkward comfortness in the grey day.
not any more.
Now it leaves me like void.
like emotionless
I guess thats so typical,
everyone feels that way.
I am just conforming to the unhappiness of America.
lame.

I am in PR
and this girl is soo fucking annoying.
she has something to say about everything.
just dont talk, keep your hand down and we will be done so much faster.

I'm digging on the lj vibe lately.
you know ill be sick of it in a few weeks.

I hate being late for things places people most of all.
and I'm always late lately.
its not cool, i need to knock it off.
because I HATE waiting.
can't handle it.
will seriously like leave
so to keep other people/things
waiting isn't really kosher of me.

listen to "landslide " covered by nirvana.
it its what today feels like.

brokendaydream @ 2008-03-26T23:24:00

2008-03-27T03:29:39Z

okay im blogging again I know I just posted.
this is stupid of me.

i am so excited for Amanda's birthday week.
every day I am posting a video from one of her friends on youtube.
youtube.com/amandainglesbirthday
and i hope she loves it because I <3 that girl.

So something is bothering me
I have always been the type of person to let fights blow over.
If i actually have a fight with someone and get it out
its done with
see previous fights with Abby and Amy.
Although the ones with Abby have been stupid.
but the one with amy for instance
her and tim were so terrible to me
they said things i wouldn't say about my worst enemies
about me
but now everything is like honky doory.
but it still like hurts me..
and AJ ( my twin fyi) is trying to do the same thing
just let it blow over...
and it i am upset,
I dont want it to blow over.
i want it to be dealt with.

brokendaydream @ 2008-03-26T23:13:00

2008-03-27T03:18:08Z

i try really hard to be a good friend
to everyone
sometimes I wonder if its worth it.

i need to clean my room
its fucking sick.

I wish I wasn't the type of person I am sometimes.
I get so fucking negative,
and I get so behind.
but I feel like I fuck up so much
and no one else does as much.

I really miss my best friends at home.
there is never any concern that they are talking shit
or anything like that.
we can just sit around and do nothing and we all have a good time.

so this summer
i will be in london for two weeks
i am going to nashville with my family
road tripping to indiana with Nicole
and I hope a road trip with my bestest
plus several trips up to BR.

I miss amanda ingle
and I miss Abby

Close my eyes, let the whole thing pass me by.

2008-03-26T08:43:41Z

I haven't been the most loyal LJ poster lately.
But I promise Ive been on reading posts and communities.

I hate that I am so in love with him.
I have no reason to be,
we will never be where I want us to be.
I found out I will quite litterally NEVER see him again,
and it pretty much makes me want to quit life,
stop breathing. and I know thats soo stupid.

I'm working with Amy right now.
She's pretty chill.
I <3 my job, it is the perfect one ever.
I can kill time online like a bamf.

Ive been drinking wine alot lately.
Ive been drinking alot lately.
both of which I dont like that I do,
but I greatly enjoy when I'm doing.

I smoked pot with the boys tonight.
Dom Matt and Jeff, it was just a few of them.
I hate that I want to know where I stand with everyone.
I feel like I am not friends with them.
That they are just people I drink with
but we aren't friends.
and that makes me kind of sad, I wish they were friends.

Amy and I have been hanging out.
while jess was gone.
I think we're good.
but I dont know if I will ever trust her again.

AJ and I aren't really close anymore.
I hate saying that.
It makes me want to rip out my soul
she's dating this kid Mike that blew us off.
and I just can't stand that
and then she like was mad at me and fought with me over it.
and forgave him like instantly.
I guess thats complicated and hard to explain
but it really kills me.

brokendaydream @ 2008-01-31T07:29:00

2008-01-31T12:30:20Z

I need a break.
I can't even cry because my eyes burn.

Everything is just adding up to this big ball of stress and hell.
I'm escaping town for the weekend,
hopefully that will make things better.

Theres no place like home for the holidays

2007-12-25T16:13:30Z

I haven't posted in here in a really long while
strange.
today is christmas,
so if you celebrate it hope it was all you dreamed of
and if you dont hope you had a great day.

My grandpa is sick again.
Like super can't get out of bed and function without help sick.
I don't know how to feel about it.
I hate that it is ruining my dads christmas
I hate that my dad has to leave our house in a few hours and go take care of his dad.
Which is selfish of me I suppose,
but I hate what it does to my dad,
and I hate that its one of the last seasons its going to be just the 6 of us,
and he wont be here for the whole thing.
Next year Shannon could be engaged
or Matt could be married or something
For sure this is one of the last five years we'll have like this at least.
Isn't that weird to think about
in five years my family will probably be so different
there will be husbands and wife and nieces and nephews

Wow.
So thats all I got for now.

Woot woot for wooten

2007-02-20T15:14:59Z

I dont know if you know this.
but Victor Wooten and Jaco Pastoriuous pretty much rock.
and have made my completely unimpressed by what everyone else does.
Just kidding, but seriously, if you dont know who they are, utube them.

Wow, I'm too cool

2007-02-13T02:00:23Z

So I just blew off Derek.
Yeah, I just blew of the derek
the one I've been a moron over for the last like semester.
I blew him off.
We ran into eachother over at Center Ice and we had a discussion
a small one, considering he didn't even say hello to me today in Biology (the jackass)
and then we rang up our food and i went to the door instead of going to sit down
and he was like oh your leaving, and i was like yeahh....and it felt soo good.
i know that kid turns me into a mess normally... Im not gonna lie
i call him when class is ditchable and when i know were gonna have a test..
im to good to him....
yeah.
but i ditched him!

Boys will do nothing but break your heart

2007-02-05T09:18:54Z

Okay.

Heres the exact details of whats going on in my life ( I have time to update)
There was a boy, named Evan.
I liked him alot.
before break evan and i made out, we were both drunk.
Evan didn't remember this. there was alot of drama.
morale of the story evan doesn't like me like that.
this semester comes around.
evan drunk decides to be hit on me and be all cutesy towards me
then there was a party
and there was alot of drama, and alot of me crying.
And now Evan is dating Amy.
Amy and I are friends, we met through Evan.
Pretty much i feel like crap about it.
Amy is a better verison of me is pretty much how i feel.
she has a similar family life to mine, she has red hair, shes idk
just better than me.
and that makes me feel like shit.

I'm sick of being the person that bends over backward for everyone
all the time.
only to get their heart stomped on.
everytime.

I guess this is a stupid blog, i said that i was going to go into details and i really didn't i know.
I am just, i miss all of the friends at ferris i had last semester.
I feel like the ones that stayed dont care about me
and the ones that did left.
minus amanda and ally.
and now jessica, who (background) is one of Evan's friends. If im not in Henderson, in a class or with Amanda I'm with Jess.
and i know kylie cares...i just never see her anymore its not like last semester when we spent every night pretty much hanging out at least for a few minutes.

And so every friendship counts alot more than they did before.
so i have been trying to stay friends with evan
and amy too.
But i've given up on being friends with Evan.
Whenever I'm around him, I end up feeling crappy. nothing good every comes out of us hanging out. and i dont think he really cares either way about our friendship.
so whatever. when he stops making me feel like shit, ill start being his friend again.
As for my friendship with Amy..we'll just wait and see what happens.
I'm not gonna say we'll be best friends for life, but we have fun.
when Evan isn't around or brought up.
So itll be interesting.

As far as classes and RSOs go.
Business Law sucks...and i keep missing the class because i over sleep.
Management is a cake walk.
Bio is a cake walk.
Music Tech is interesting....i feel like a moron and unimportant in there.
Music Appreciation should be a cake walk....but its only 100 points total in the class, so we'll see.
and Stats will be good so long as i keep up on work.

MIMA isn't doing alot right now.
Bulldog radio isn't doing a whole lot right now, my show time is sunday @ 9/8c if anyone cares.
College of business delegates have definately been a source of entertaining saturday mornings
And Student Government seems like its going to be a lot of work, but should be worth it?

So this is my life...hold on tight...

2007-02-04T23:29:31Z

Please no one recongize that song..
I'll be so terribly embarrassed if you do.

So heres the scoop right now.
I am not miserable.
I'm not sure what i am to be honest.
I've been considering transfering closer to home..
like going to Columbia...
but i dont know if thats the right thing to do..
But i know that if i did go there, at least I have some people built in.
It would be an el ride to see Evan...and up a couple of stairs to see Lara..
And Nate from ferris is thinking about going there.
I really could go to school there...
Thoughts? Comments? Concerns?

brokendaydream @ 2007-01-17T13:33:00

2007-01-17T18:40:34Z

So this weekend was definately really fucked up.
And by this weekend i mean Saturday night.

Theres a lot of drama involved and ill spare all of you the details.
but as of right now,
im pretty much done with everyone at school.

To make matters worse i had three best friends from school last semester.
one stayed here. she has a boyfriend now, and i never see her.
one's grandma died on Monday, they were very close. I'd met her gma four or five times now.
one found out she has tummors on her ovaries yesterday and is need of surgery tomorrow.

and i feel almost like i dont have anyone here i can call and talk to, and have them make me feel better.
So being the dipshit that I am.
I called Evan last night crying.
All the fucked up shit that has happened this weekend, is blamable on him.
He doesn't do crying well either.
so me and him are all fucked up.

I just dont know anymore.
I think I'm just done trying.

on the other hand.
Today I've spent 4 hours at the gym, and its only about 2, I'll probaby go back tonight.
And I've done 50 miles on the bike.
50 miles on the bike = roughly 2500 calories if anyone is concerned.
So by the end of this semester, I'm going to be in pretty good health.
I think I'm going to go back tonight from like 7-11 if anyone wants to go with.
Not that i talk when im there.
I sit on that bike and listen to Brand New,
and try to stop feeling like shit.

Chicago Lyrics, a collection of songs i like about chicago (aka im bored in advertising)

2006-10-03T14:12:43Z

I was flying into chicago at night
Watching the lake turn the sky into blue-green smoke
The sun was setting to the left of the plane
And the cabin was filled with an unearthly glow
~liz phair~

When I hit the streets back in ’81
Found a heart in the gutter and a poet’s crown
I felt barbed wire kisses and icicle tears
Where have I been for all these years?
~Marrillion~

90 miles outside chicago (kinda where mchenry is )
Can’t stop driving
I don’t know why
So many questions
I need an answer
~New Radicals~

There's a light on in Chicago
And I know I should be home.
~Fall out boy~

But the wind blew me back via Chicago
In the middle of the night
And not without fight
At the crush of veils and starlight
~Wilco~

'm makin' my way back to Chicago
I'm makin' my way come rain or shine
I'm gonna find true love waiting for me
I'm gonna make it all work out for good this time

Let's go walking by the beach tonight
And watch the sun come up on Lake Shore Drive
Then I'll take you in my arms
And I'll keep you from all harm
Cause I know everything is gonna be alright
~styx~

College eh? (Evan Porter don't read this!)

2006-09-09T16:23:36Z

So college college college what should i say.
its everything i expected times ten.
Minus all the really good stuff.

Its not that i dont have friends, I do.
Its not that I dont have fun I do.
Its that alot of the time, I get treated like shit by people.
And alot of the time Its like i dont matter.

Its not like at home.
Where I matter to so many people.
Here i matter to no one but myself, and maybe my suite mate who i never see any way.
Its not a fun way to go through things.
I wish i mattered.

Leaving on a jet plane

2006-08-12T03:26:01Z

I leave next sunday night for those who didn't know.
isn't that insane.
Call me.
Soon.
815 719 0036

its the first day of August when did time disappear?

2006-08-01T15:33:59Z

Today if the first day of August.
how crazy is that shit?
I move in in 22 days.
To college
in Michigan
is that fucked up or what?
I haven't bought all the shit i need yet.
or hung out with all the people i love yet.

brokendaydream @ 2006-07-11T05:12:00

2006-07-11T10:16:34Z

hey,

so does anyone have any input on Thomas Mehl, Meral Topcu, Kristi L. Gerding, or Dan Cronk( other than he's the man etc etc) as professors, I want to know what I'm going in to!

If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less

2006-01-27T03:44:42Z

I just dont know what is with me. I don't know why I feel like this all the time, i swear i don't know how all of you put up with me. So days I feel so great and amazing and then nothing will change and the next day I don't want to move, I just want to sit and watch life pass me by.

I'm pretty much the worst person most of you will ever met. You have no idea, sometimes the thoughts i think make me so angry that i want to just scream and rip them from my head, but I've tried so hard and I can't.

I think I might just stop talking to everyone, set myself back from everything, shut down. That way I wont have to drag any of you into any of this feeling, cuz its pretty much the most awful thing to feel.

One of my friends who has been awesome for me lately had a bad day today, just a terrible awful day and I couldn't help but think "Its not fair that Dan Fucking Splitt had such an awful day, he's amazing" I got to mad about it, it wasn't fair. I guess its stupid, but I've always thought that so long as I'm the only one who feels that way its okay, because i would never want someone else to feel like that. ever. maybe its contagious.

I don't know what I'm gonna do for Prom. I really really wanta go with Chris but I don't see that happening ever, and i don't know why i keep letting myself believe it will, I don't even really still like him, but i have it stuck in head that I will go with him... Idk why.

If you read this comment okay? I'd like to get an email reminding me your there.

<3 Sarah

Its coming down to nothing more than apathy.

2006-01-09T14:12:09Z

Hey friends,

So i'm in icis and am muchas boreaids. So I though id update as best as I could. Theres really nothing to say.. Works going pretty good, I worked with Anthony and Flo last night and I had a really good time, I learned that my sister would have a one night stand with anthony and that anthony would totally do certain people it was pretty hysterical. That place is like a freaking roller coaster though, you really have no idea. Tomorrow is Kevin Block's last day which makes me sad, cuz i really do love that kid, he makes my day so much more enjoyable and relaxing. Like yesterday we made smores together on break it and i chilled in box working on my projection manual training guide crap thing and he was on box...lol i made Matt work concessions because Kevin asked to keep working box, so i was like umkay. Box it is. He invited me to go to U of I whenever I want and just give him a heads up and we can go drinking together, or I can go to a party at his frat. which would be strange.

Katie starts work with me pretty soon, so thats pretty much amazing, I really adore her to the max. She'll be so much fun to work with!!! And all of this was all your fault!!
I just need to keep u in mind as something larger than life.

<3 Sarah
Call me

everyone knowws that I'm in over my head

2005-11-28T12:40:12Z

So I haven't updated this for like a month. So heres what going on im working at lake zurich and i am in over my head sometimes i think. I mean I'm doing fine but i miss things from showplace. My grades are slipping but thats just me being lazy it has nothing to do with Lake Zurich, however I know my parents won't believe that so i gotta kick that into high gear. I will not forsake my 5.0!!!

Other then that lifes been mediocore. One of my cousins passed away, which hurts alot cuz she was only nine, but her life was so painful I can't be to sad about it. Fuck, I gotta go get ready for school I love you all so much.

Sarah